the end is nigh...the beginning is bright

i haven't typed anything from the land of nicci for absolutely ages, either because i feel nothing has been of note or because i type so many essays that more typing would just annoy me!
so since my last post like 6 months a go or something what has changed? well i am 2 months away from all my work being in for my nurses post graduate course, goodness knows if i will pass/qualify! it has actually been one of the hardest most trying periods of my life getting to this point, it has broken my spirit at times and made me feel inadequate,this is only ever on the academic side of things, the constant judgement of work you poor you soul into is hard to take, but i have had periods of joy when a patient has got better and periods of sadness when they haven't made it, this doesn't depress me, it's part of the job and i enjoy it :)
i have 8 weeks left at placement, 3 essays to hand in,an exam, a portfolio, a work book and proof of all the skills i have learnt over the last two years, my life laid bare for judgement! what this also means is that by the end of February i will be kinda unemployed for the first time... i have got a temping role with NHS professionals so that should see me through but really need to get a proper staff nurse job! this may sound like something i should just do but i can't visualise it yet so I'm procrastinating, also it means I'm a real grown up, with a real job, with real responsibilities... ah it had to happen sooner or later!

so on a different note i began Roller Derby for the Leeds Roller Dolls this year, a fast paced all female full contact sport on skates! it actually saved me i think , as over the top as that may sound it changed everything for me, it gave me purpose and it gave me new aims and goals! it also gave me a new set of kick ass friends! i could never skate before i started and 4 months later i am whizzing around the track taking hits and giving them back :) i have a long way to go for my first bout but i have renewed enthusiasm for life and sport because of it so that's my aim! i am currently nameless but I'm #25 and that'll do for now!
so i train twice a week at the moment but will up it to three in the new year and when my course is over i can put my heart and soul into it! CAN NOT WAIT!

So my hopes for 2011 are that it's better then 2010 in that i wont have to study so much and the things i love in life can have a bit more attention from me :)
see you in the new year
xxxx

wishing for that silver lining...

So this weekend has been the most glorious we have had so far this year, i saw it through a window, i heard lots of friends did lots of fun things(to which i received an invite to none) and well i revised, i revised as much as i could but i still feel like it is not enough.
i know my friends have given up on me and originally blaming outside influences on my total life change, i'm not denying my life is exceedingly different to say 18 months a go, but it has little to do with anything but my studies, unless you do this course you have no idea how consuming it is, how you crave to have your life back, how just a night that belongs to you is al you need, not coming home after a day on the ward and having essays, exam prep, portfolios and everything a normal life entails to deal with. i'm not being horrible when i forget to ask how you are, or what you have been up to, i don't have the capacity in my brain to take any of it on board, i'm sorry that all i have to talk about is my course and how little money i have and how much i am struggling and silently pray every night that it will be indeed worth it.
i know when i'm getting stressed because my sleeping goes all strange, i either can't sleep, wake up from nightmares, and wake up with a pounding headache! my dreams are obscure and i cant work them out. It's annoying and disorientating!
so today i am back on the ward on a late then tomorrow and early wednesday an early then thursday an exam.... after that i have thousands of words to find and type, i know i chose this life but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with,
one day i hope to plan a holiday, a life, a place to live. things i never held dear but now am fighting with every fibre of my person to secure.
on the upside we have booked our tickets to Bowlie 2 with Belle and Sebastian in Decemeber :) xx

essay writing = yorkshire tea overdose!

soooo whilst i should have been typing up my glorious essay i sat and knit a baby hat. Optimash prime looks cute wearig it! as it is my first completed knitting in the round using magic loop method i thought i'd put it up :) i'm currently sat still in my pjs and my boyfriend's hoodie listening to my spotify playlist, more tea is needed to give me some more motivation!
i have an exam next week and still feel the very familiar fear i used to get when i was doing my GCSE's, it's never got any easier! so on the 15th whisper a little good luck for me! i'll probably need it, anyways my aim is 2000 by the end of this day then lots of cramming!
have fun
Nicci x

So you think you're doing something good for society by working with learning dissabilities but I am actually at the end of my tether!! I'm sick of being hit and having things thrown at me! When I worked at the kids prison I had a personal alarm and an array of defensive techniques to use, here I just have to take it! I'll stick to nursing where you have security guards around! Ok today is double pay but is anything worth this? Really? I'm not so sure my safety is measured in money! So after this lovley day of violence and abuse I'm having a cup of Yorkshire tea and a couple of milk tray to calm my nerves! Oh why didn't I become an accountant?!

Xx

Dr Who

just watched the new Dr Who and yes i may be a massive loser but i really enjoyed it! it was much fun with many a luagh out loud moment! can't wait for the rest of the series! woop
i do really enjoy a series where i can escape reality! it's the same with novels, if anyone wants to read a good sci-fi series people should give Kelley Armstrong a go! start with Bitten, as that is the first one! so very good!
just had a yummy chicken pie with lots of gravy and a nice bottle of Gaymers, time for a bath, pjs and then some more CSI! woop
xx

my notebook

A blog all about me... how self indulgent! i started this mid way through an essay writing marathon! i am very bored of writing about hand hygiene... i should say why i'm writing about such things, i am a student nurse. i've wanted to train to be a nurse for years and when i started i wanted to write a blog about the trials and tribulations of being a studnet nurse. Alas sometimes my days are really interesting sometimes not so much, so i didn't bother!
As a student nurse you are a unique breed, you end up being the lowliest member of the heathcare team, i get the great job of carrying a bed pan around, washing a wrinkly old body or even taking stool samples... ooo ahh i don't think i could ever write anything that could do justice to the many happenings in the hospitals, or make it remotely interesting!
so here i am today day off due to the easter holidays and im watching diagnosis murder and trying to research things that would make a normal person weep with boredom, it would be great to write something that lots of people would like to read but alas my life isnt that interesting!
so nursing! well when i first started i hoped it would be all ER or maybe scrubs but nooooooo that is so far from reality it is unbelievable! dont think i don't love my job 'cos i do! but here are some of the things i have had happen to me this week....
1) a lady threw herslef out of bed and began screaming she was giving birth... the woman is over 60, she then went on to blame a poor elderly lady opposite for killing her baby... not funny maybe but dam weird!
2) i put a catheter into a woman! sounds gross and it wasnt pretty! i thought i knew the female anatmoy pretty well having my own but things are not quite where you'd think they were...
3)i watched a surgeon remove cancer from a patient and make everything look totally amazing afterwards! like a piece of art!
4)removed stitches from a woman's head!

Sounds boring to most but i had an interesting week! so it's Easter this weekend and i actually have some time off with my boyfriend, :) i think we're going to paint the flat and make the bed!
it'll all look nice soon :)
so i hope everyone has lots of chocolate and a lovely bank hliday
xxx